| It's all jus' dialogue!An Interview With TruthIt is | | | | But then, we go to the next interview...Planet of the |
| almost popular now to casually remark on the | | | | Apes Interview"Planet of the Apes," the original 1968 |
| negative effects of smoking cigarettes. "Yeah, that's | | | | film, was great. Of course, it was based on a novel, |
| almost as dangerous as smoking," one teen | | | | and not some script writer's heroin-induced dreams. |
| comments about the suggestion of jumping off a | | | | That is perhaps the greatest reason why the film |
| bridge. His popularity rating gained 7 points, which | | | | itself was magnificent. However, there were some |
| would be lost when he later made the comment, | | | | complaints against it. In my effort to discover them, I |
| "That's almost as sexy as a nine year old boy!" When | | | | interviewed the fans of "Planet of the |
| I talked with this teen, whom asked that his identity | | | | Apes."Punkerslut: Hello, everyone.Jack: Hey, slut.Dave: |
| be referred to as "Super X," he said, "I really thought | | | | Yo, homie.Punkerslut: Uh, yes... What did you two |
| I was cool with the guys when I they liked my | | | | think about the beginning dialogue in this movie? |
| anti-smoking remark. He made me feel like a real part | | | | Taylor talks to Landon, telling him about his life, |
| of the team, because all night, I hadn't said anything. | | | | saying that the main reason that he went on the trip |
| I was still dreaming about that Casey Lain video I | | | | was to live up to his American image. Taylor, |
| saw earlier." Then, he shared his sorrows with me, | | | | however, thinks that he himself left Earth because it |
| "They made a mistake when I said a nine year old | | | | was too superficial. What do you think of these?Jack: |
| boy... I meant because, most of the time, nine year | | | | I didn't really like that dialogue. It was too |
| old boys are accompanied by really hot, late-30's | | | | complicated.Dave: I totally agree. I think Taylor should |
| mothers. Now that turns me on." Then Super X had | | | | have been like, "Man, that would suck if this was |
| to depart my presence, so that he could pick up a | | | | really earth and it was inhabited by apes."Jack: Yeah, |
| K-Mart catalogue for children's swimsuits.While flipping | | | | and Landon could say, "Yeah, that would really suck. |
| through the channels of TeeVee (that glamorous | | | | And like, this whole area is called the Forbidden Zone." |
| fuck-box), I saw a Truth commercial. Truth, for all of | | | | And that token black guy could be like, "Whoa, |
| you who have selective vision and can't see | | | | totally. Fo' shizzle, my shnizzle!"Dave: See, it wasn't |
| propaganda, is an anti-smoking organization. In this | | | | really necessary for him to go off on a tangent like |
| commercial, they piled up dead bodies at the | | | | that about life. He should have been focused on the |
| corporate headquarters of some smoking business -- | | | | possible ape-like dangers that lay ahead of him, |
| well, dead body bags, and I'm only assuming they | | | | instead of talking like he landed from a spaceship on |
| had real bodies in them because they were heavy, | | | | a new planet, which he did, but that's besides the |
| and the people kept shouting through a microphone, | | | | point. Like, they could have developed an anti-Zaeis |
| "Do you like killing people!?!?" In another commercial | | | | campaign with slogans and stuff, that way they could |
| ad, they drive a van through a rich neighborhood and | | | | be prepared for Ape City.Punkerslut: Hhhmmmm, I |
| blast propaganda through a microphone, "We know | | | | see.... What were both of your favorite |
| you invest stock in smoking businesses!" Now... | | | | episodes?Jack: MY favorite episode was the third |
| Carrying dead bodies and blasting noise in a | | | | one, where Dr. Zira goes to Earth and attends |
| neighborhood at 3 in the morning, those are only | | | | Women's Rights meetings, gets drunk, and wears |
| misdemeanor crimes. Honestly, these commercials | | | | clothing from JC Penny.Dave: Personally, I liked the |
| look more like pro-mischief-ism than anti-smoking. | | | | fifth episode the best. I mean, apes living among |
| Finally, one commercial, they talked about something | | | | mankind, it was like a utopia, but then those |
| like the cowboys being killed by smoking, and then | | | | goddamned mutants had to come out of their caves |
| they have horses dragging body bags (again, with | | | | and mess everything up. That's why I stopped |
| the bodies), and then there was some propaganda | | | | recognizing wheelchair people as human |
| terms thrown at me, which I think I will only benefit | | | | beings.Punkerslut: Uuuuhhhh?... well, moving on... Was |
| the reader by not repeating. So, just what gives? | | | | there anything about the first episode that bothered |
| Fortunately, I got an interview with the people from | | | | either of you?Jack: I think the apes should have |
| Truth. The three whom I interviewed were John, | | | | been.... you know... big breasted.Punkerslut: What the |
| Susane, and Charles.John: When I think about the big | | | | hell are you talking about?Jack: Honestly, I can't stay |
| smoking corporations, I see the face of | | | | focused on something for more than six seconds |
| Hitler.Punkerslut: Really?John: Yeah, and in a few | | | | unless sex is in.... what were we talking |
| years, they'll have the Nuremburg Trials again for | | | | about?Punkerslut: Dave, did you have any problems |
| everyone who has sold cigarettes.Punkerslut: Do you | | | | with the first episode?Dave: Besides the beginning |
| think that smoking companies should be killed for | | | | dialogue, I really think Taylor should have nailed that |
| what they do?John: Oh, most definitely. We're like | | | | Nova girl. He shoulda' really thrown her to the floor. |
| Gandhi, we try to change society.Punkerslut: In less | | | | And Dr. Zauis shouldn't have been the chief of |
| than 37 seconds of this interview, you managed to | | | | science. He shoulda' been the chief of kick |
| compare smoking companies to Hitler and yourself to | | | | ass.Punkerslut: Uuuummmm.... anything else, |
| Gandhi. How do you respond to these | | | | Dave?Dave: Now that you mention it, it would have |
| accusations?John: I think that, the media is biased, | | | | been really cool if Charleton Heston had a gatling gun |
| towards smoking companies, because all of the | | | | in that movie.Punkerslut: And how could a gatling gun |
| smoking companies control the media.Punkerslut: | | | | be explained?Dave: I 'unno..... he brought it with him |
| Fascinating. Susane, do you have anything to add to | | | | from earth.Punkerslut: They let him bring a gatling gun |
| this?Susane: What I really don't like about chemists | | | | with him on the space ship?Dave: Well, they do bring |
| and drug users, though, is they act like they know | | | | that weird ice cream on space ships. I don't see why |
| what they're talking about.Punkerslut: When they | | | | a gatling gun would be different.Punkerslut: You're |
| really don't?Susane: Yeah.Punkerslut: And you, | | | | probably right.Dave: Yeah, I am. And like, Taylor |
| Charles?[At this point, Charles starts waving his arms | | | | would arrive at the city of the apes, and he would |
| around and drooling.]Susane: It's been worse ever | | | | be like, "Eat lead, apes... Det det det det det...." And |
| since the accident.Punkerslut: What happened?Susane: | | | | like, they could explode and stuff, and the humans |
| He was hit by a truck, and the doctors had to | | | | would learn to talk because, you know, guns and |
| surgically remove his brain.Punkerslut: I'm so | | | | violence are necessary to real |
| sorry.John: A truck, I add, which was paid by the | | | | communication...Punkerslut: Okay, Dave, shutup.... Final |
| smoking companies to do this!Punkerslut: The truck | | | | question..... Would either of you like to see another |
| was paid?John: Well.... yesh.Punkerslut: Incredibly | | | | "Planet of the Apes" movie made? Several years |
| provocative.Susane: Charles still does our commercials | | | | back, they remade the first episode. Should they do |
| for us.Punkerslut: I would have never of guessed.... | | | | the same to the second episode?Jack: Well, they |
| but, moving on, what do you think about your civil | | | | tried to. That was their intention. To remake all of |
| disobedience towards smoking companies?Susane: | | | | them.Punkerslut: But...?Jack: Their first remake was so |
| We're fighting an oppressive system, Punker. We | | | | piss-poor, they decided not to torture humanity with |
| need everyone's help we can get.Punkerslut: An | | | | more sequels.Punkerslut: It's good to see film |
| oppressive system?Susane: Yes... well, see... Smoking | | | | directors with Humanitarian ideals. We could only wish |
| is bad.Punkerslut: Is it?Susane: It certainly is!Punkerslut: | | | | George Lucas had the same ideals before he made |
| Why?[At this point, the three looked at each other | | | | Star Wars Episode 1, or before Steven Spielberg |
| with blank faces. A minute would pass before | | | | made AI and pissed on the corpse of Kubrick, or |
| someone spoke...]John: Because... it's not | | | | before Steven Segal made any movie at all.Dave: It's |
| healthy?Punkerslut: Fascinating. What if a person | | | | hard being the life of a cynic, isn't it?Punkerslut: You |
| wants to smoke, out of their own liberty?Susane: | | | | have no idea. Life,Punkerslut (or Andy Carloff) has |
| See, that's the thing... Smoking is bad.Punkerslut: I | | | | been writing essays and poetry on social issues which |
| would say you narrowly avoided answering the | | | | have caught his attention for several years. His |
| question, but watching you avoid the question is like | | | | website provides a complete list of all of these |
| watching a 500 pound man jump a hurdle.John: What | | | | writings. His life experience includes homelessness, |
| do you mean, liberty?At this point, each of them | | | | squating in New Orleans and LA, dropping out of high |
| gave me their idea of a Utopian society, while I | | | | school, getting expelled from college for "subversive |
| nodded my head and wondered why I thought this | | | | activities," and a myriad of other revolutionary |
| would be interesting. This sort of interview is | | | | actions. |
| something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. | | | | |