| Have you ever noticed that battered women in | | | | are some pointers you may want to consider when it |
| abusive divorce disputes have a trail of princes, toads | | | | comes to "helpers." |
| and chickens in their wake, and an occasional wise | | | | 1) Assume people are good until they show you |
| man off the court? | | | | otherwise. |
| It's as though they attract saviors or they make | | | | 2) Hold people accountable for what they promise. |
| saviors out of those they cross. Then, when the | | | | 3) When shown sour grapes, see them for what |
| "saving" is not in the interest of the prince, a chicken | | | | they are and let go of expecting them to change or |
| may evolve. Or, as in the case of legal counsel, far | | | | become otherwise. |
| too often, a toad rises to the plate to campaign on | | | | 4) If someone derails your ship, don't personalize his |
| the battered woman's behalf. Every once in a while a | | | | or her actions. |
| wise man will merely show up and mysteriously | | | | 5) When a helping alliance is established, remember to |
| disappear. | | | | continue to act on your behalf and hold your own. |
| As an outsider looking in, you may understand the | | | | Battered women come to the plate with a particular |
| politics here. It's the same thing in play when you see | | | | set of challenges inherent in the dynamics of abusive |
| someone victimized on the side of the road, and you | | | | relationships. It is their responsibility to be mindful of |
| stop yourself from helping them because you don't | | | | the impact of these challenges not only on |
| want to draw any danger to yourself. Or, you jump | | | | themselves, but also upon those that reach out to |
| on the wagon to assist them-all the while assisting | | | | assist in their time of need. The more you know |
| yourself with another hidden agenda. | | | | about the dynamics of abusive relationships and how |
| I see battered women worldwide with the same | | | | these dynamics infiltrated legal and healthcare |
| issues when it comes to those who help, allege to | | | | systems, the better you will be able to campaign on |
| help, or wish they were never asked to help. Here | | | | your behalf as you sail to save waters. |