| Almost as common as the question why doesn't she | | | | realities, children's lives and the daunting prospect of |
| just leave are the answers. So why do people | | | | being this person's enemy. She knows it's easier to |
| continue to ask? I suspect it is because a victim's | | | | be his friend than to be his enemy...which leads us to |
| staying in an abusive relationship is truly perplexing | | | | number 3. |
| looking from the outside in. | | | | 3) Realistic fear of the consequences of her leaving |
| Here are 3 clear explanations for why she doesn't | | | | the relationship |
| just leave: | | | | She knows that when she leaves violence will |
| 1) Unrealistic hopes, dreams, roles and perceived love, | | | | escalate upon and after her departure. You see |
| etc | | | | when a victim leaves an abusive relationship, her |
| Believe it or not she really does love him, or at least | | | | mere physical as well as emotional separation |
| she thinks this is love. And she loves her fantasy of | | | | increases the perpetrators need to control his |
| what her relationship should be like. An when she's | | | | partner. |
| married, she believes it's her job to be the | | | | Abuse is about fundamentally about control. Violence |
| peace-maker and family glue "til death do us/her | | | | maybe a manifestation of domestic abuse, but let's |
| part." | | | | face it: abuse is fundamentally about control. |
| 2) Commitment to the belief that there are | | | | And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. |
| insufficient resources | | | | When the perpetrator feels he's losing his grip, |
| In her relationship, she has been groomed to believe | | | | violence will escalate so as to re-engage control. |
| that life support is external to self. Her relationship | | | | If you are looking from the outside in, come to the |
| atmosphere of dominance, dependency and | | | | table with this understanding and you will be in a |
| exclusivity does not support plentiful resources. | | | | better position to help someone in an abusive |
| There are economic considerations, residential | | | | relationship if and when they are ready to leave. |