| There is a plethora of information on the Internet | | | | with your child, you will increase the likelihood of his |
| and in the media about violence against women. And | | | | her not blindly embracing an endless abuse dynamic. |
| for the gentleman being abused, finding relevant, | | | | 2) "How do abused men protect their children from a |
| accurate insight and advice is like finding a needle in a | | | | controlling battering parent in their divorce?" |
| haystack. | | | | In some respects, I believe this is where the men |
| Even harder for abused men is finding answers for | | | | have a greater advantage; not because they are |
| the questions they have about their innocent minor | | | | men, but rather because they are more likely the |
| children. Below are a couple of questions pertaining to | | | | breadwinner. As we know, abuse is about control. So |
| the children of battered men. | | | | be honest with yourself right out of the gate as you |
| 1) "How can men successfully protect their children | | | | embark onto the steps of your local family |
| from and in abusive relationships?" | | | | courthouse. |
| As a parent, we seek to protect our children from | | | | The controlling parent will see the divorce process as |
| danger. It is a primal instinct that any parent feels | | | | just one more thing to control. And let's face it: |
| from the core of their being. But when that danger | | | | litigation is about control. So in this arena, the batterer |
| lurks within your home and interfaces with your | | | | will feel at home and she may thrive in her seeking |
| young on a routine and regular basis, protecting them | | | | control...unless you know how to offset her agenda. |
| gets tricky. Why? Because your doing so is | | | | If you are the primary financial agent of your family, |
| by-in-large ultimately regulated through a system. | | | | you will have a much better chance of preventing |
| (more on this in question #2 below pertaining to | | | | your controlling spouse's abuse of the legal process. |
| divorce) | | | | You will be in a position to create alliances with |
| However, within the confines of your home and your | | | | people who assist in encouraging equitable closure. |
| relationship with your child, there are many important | | | | If, on the other hand, your abusive partner holds the |
| things you will want to offer a child that witnesses | | | | key to the family purse, you will want to be mindful |
| and/or experiences domestic violence. | | | | of the social, financial politics of your case. And you |
| Give your child unwavering unconditional love. | | | | will want to know the strategies and tactics abusers |
| While all children deserve and thrive on unconditional | | | | successfully use in custody and divorce proceedings. |
| love, the child of domestic violence families will use | | | | BOTTOM LINE: |
| this to help offset the impact of a controlling parent's | | | | If you are an abused man in an abusive relationship |
| conditional love. | | | | or in family court with an abuser, you will want to |
| Be the empathic adult attachment figure for | | | | know all you can about the dynamics of domestic |
| your child. You can be the resource through which | | | | violence, legal domestic abuse and legal psychiatric |
| they come to discover and validate themselves. | | | | abuse. The more you do, the less likely your abusive |
| Help your child see the difference between what | | | | relationship will spiral out of control. |
| is his/hers and what belongs to others. By doing this | | | | |