| > | | | | How Do We Resolve Cognitive Dissidence? |
| The saddest part of family violence and the legal | | | | Typically this is done by redefining each of these |
| abuse syndrome is the impact on children, both on | | | | elements just as one re-calculates a mathematical |
| them and within them. When a child is severed from | | | | operation. How do they get redefined? As with most |
| their protective parent--a silent epidemic--life for this | | | | things in life, one moves to the direction of the |
| child is never the same. Read on to learn how and | | | | loudest voice, the more pervasive input, the more |
| why. | | | | "in-your-face" perspective. |
| The saddest part of family violence and the legal | | | | I bet you're getting the way the child must resolve |
| abuse syndrome is the impact on children, both on | | | | the cognitive dissidence in this situation. With mother |
| them and within them. When a child is severed from | | | | physically out of the picture and father's (plus his full |
| their protective parenta silent epidemiclife for this | | | | family) ongoing input and ability to regulate the child's |
| child is never the same. | | | | entire rewards system, the child will do what? |
| First, they are led to believe that the protective | | | | Obviously the child will let the beliefs set the norm, |
| parent abandoned them. From this, they are to | | | | and both feelings and actions will follow suit to |
| conclude that this protective parent "really" doesn't | | | | harmonize all three so as to reflect the dominant |
| love them. | | | | current input. And thereby, move to resolve the |
| The net result of this thinking is: on a core level, they | | | | cognitive dissidence. |
| are not lovable. Well, this is quite a burden for a child | | | | Long Term Danger for the Puppet Child |
| to bear. | | | | But here's the danger later in life for the child. When |
| However, children like adults naturally seek to resolve | | | | this child changes the actions, there can be so much |
| the cognitive dissidence inherent in this internal | | | | external, positive reinforcement that doing so is |
| dilemma. Before I go on to elaborate further, let's | | | | almost effortless. New action - withdraw from mom. |
| step back and define cognitive dissidence. | | | | But the feeling part, well that's the part that tricks |
| What is Cognitive Dissidence? | | | | you up every time. Because even though the child will |
| "Cognitive dissidence" is a psychological term referring | | | | swallow the loving feeling for his mother at least |
| to the tension state in which our "beliefs," "feelings" | | | | externally, these feelings lie dormant within. And the |
| and "actions" are incongruent. That is, when these | | | | result of this is an incomplete resolution of the |
| three aspects of our existence are not in-sink. | | | | cognitive dissidence...a "puppet child." |
| So for example, a child (let's say a young boy) | | | | Now I wish there was an upbeat, hopeful way to |
| believes his mother (the person more often in this | | | | end this article, but I'm afraid there isn't. There is |
| situation) abandoned him. Yet, he feels deep in his | | | | however, some advice I can share with anyone who |
| being her loving connection to him and his to her, and | | | | is an estranged parent or has a puppet child. |
| his actions are to seek her out. Ouch!!! | | | | It's not about you! Your experience of your inner |
| The tension grows as this inner disharmony lingers. | | | | well-being must not require your child's efforts to |
| So, what then happens? The psyche seeks to | | | | resolve his/her cognitive dissonance to be any way |
| resolve the disharmony by attempting to bring the | | | | other than the way it is. |
| three elements into congruence...into harmony. | | | | |