| Dealing with an unruly child is never something we | | | | you look bad, and when you say something along |
| were looking forward to as parents, but it's | | | | those lines - you tell your child both that you don't |
| frequently something we need to learn. When that | | | | understand or appreciate what the child is really |
| occasion arises, it's easy to fall into the trap of taking | | | | trying to do, and that this is in fact a way for the |
| your child's behavior personally. | | | | child to seize power. |
| When your child is acting out at the grocery store, or | | | | Once you understand that the child doesn't mean the |
| says something rude to you in front of your friends, | | | | behavior personally, and instead simply wants to have |
| the first thing we feel is some measure of shame or | | | | control, you can respond without feeling that your |
| embarrassment. We feel like the people around us will | | | | authority is being challenged. The child does not want |
| have a bad opinion of our parenting if we don't do | | | | to take your authority away, but to have some |
| something about the child's behavior. The reality is | | | | personal authority. Opening up other areas for the |
| that an unruly child is not attacking or disrespecting | | | | unruly child to make choices (and have control) can |
| you, so much as trying to exert power. The child is | | | | be effective in filling this need. |
| entirely concerned with personal desires and goals, | | | | If you're at a loss for how to respond to these |
| and it honestly has nothing to do with you - let alone | | | | things without taking them personally, or what |
| anyone who might be watching. | | | | choices and responsibilities you can give your child, |
| The unruly child, in general, doesn't feel much power | | | | there are several books and programs available which |
| to do things. Children can be told what to do and | | | | can make the process easy to understand. The |
| when to do it by more or less everyone , it seems - | | | | overall goal of any parenting challenge is not to get |
| their parents, their teachers, their older siblings, | | | | the child to do what you want right this minute, but |
| sometimes any adult at all. This leaves them feeling | | | | to help the child be a more effective member of |
| powerless, and they have a strong need to have | | | | adult society - and sometimes that takes a little more |
| control over themselves. When your child acts out, it | | | | time and effort. In the end, like everything with your |
| is almost certainly not to embarrass you or make | | | | child, you'll find that it was all well worth it. |