| Let's face it parents, your over indulgent Adult Child | | | | When the United States Government decided to |
| who hasn't carved out their own path in life is your | | | | implement time restrictions for welfare, recipients |
| entire fault. You just didn't know when or how to | | | | took advantage of subsidized programs such as day |
| wean your children when they reached adulthood. For | | | | care, job training and education. When people knew |
| fear of rejection, you've continued to provide room, | | | | their free check was going to run out soon, they |
| food, shelter, a car, money and all the other wants | | | | took action because it was going to become very |
| of your adult child. The thought of saying 'no' feels | | | | uncomfortable for them if they didn't. |
| awkward; nonetheless, any attempt to say 'no' isn't | | | | It's time for you to sit down with your offspring and |
| taken seriously. Pretty much, you've given your | | | | have a rational discussion. Keep it business like. If |
| offspring the role of being the adult; they've | | | | emotions enter the discussion, your offspring will |
| implemented the rules and any attempt by you to | | | | always win. Let them know it's time for them to |
| challenge those rules is met with anger and | | | | take some risks...that's right, risks. Staying at home |
| disapproval. You have no authority in the relationship | | | | and having parents take care of every want and |
| and you've loss all respect due to the fact you | | | | need has no risk; however, when a parent tells a |
| haven't had the courage to take on a leadership role. | | | | child, "let's take some risks," it makes it exciting and |
| Furthermore, you're biggest fear is rejection; | | | | they become intrigued. If you tell them it's time to |
| interesting enough, your offspring knows that all to | | | | grow up or they need to challenge themselves, the |
| well. Your relationship with your offspring is a vicious | | | | message is interpreted as, "so you think I'm a child or |
| cycle which manifests into manipulation, is | | | | you think I can't accomplish anything." Sound familiar? |
| compounded by anger which leads to resentment | | | | Don't give them anything in which they can put |
| and guilt. | | | | words into your mouth. |
| It's important for you to understand that perhaps | | | | Give them a specific period of time to look for a job. |
| over indulging your children is your way to fill a void | | | | Any legally acceptable job is fine; the objective is |
| within yourself; this does not make you a bad person | | | | creating momentum which will lead to their |
| nor does your child taking advantage of the | | | | independence. This will take some effort on your part |
| resources you provide to its advantage, make them | | | | as well. You may have to "supervise" the job hunting |
| a bad person. This codependent relationship was | | | | activity by offering your support. If they have a job, |
| mutually designed. | | | | charge them fair market rent. If they don't like your |
| If this message has "hit home" for you and perhaps | | | | terms, you can simply say, "take a risk and venture |
| you don't want to continue reading, I understand. But | | | | out on your own." Understandably this may be a big |
| if you quit now, you'll miss the best part...an effective | | | | step on your part and you may feel guilty for taking |
| way of getting your adult child to leave home and | | | | this action but rest assured, your offspring will not |
| loving you for it. | | | | hate you for doing this. You can save all the rent |
| Getting Your Child off Welfare | | | | monies your offspring pays you and give it back to |
| It is human nature for those who receive everything | | | | them as a moving out gift when they actually do |
| they need for free to take the path of the least | | | | move out. Your offspring gains independence and |
| amount of effort to making changes that may | | | | they love you for helping them to do so...with an |
| disrupt their comfort. So how can we change this | | | | added financial bonus. |
| status quo? Easy, make it uncomfortable for them. | | | | |