| #ffffff;" /> | | | | ever-growing trend of domestic violence against |
| There are many programs for female victims of | | | | males. As one DV counselor put it, |
| domestic violence too numerous to mention – | | | | “It’s hard enough for women to |
| and that’s a good thing. But what happens | | | | admit they’re in a dangerous situation. As |
| when the MALE is the victim of domestic violence? | | | | difficult as it is for women, male victims of domestic |
| Are we as a society quick to intervene, do we show | | | | violence are three times as likely to overlook a |
| compassion for the male victim, or do we simply look | | | | serious domestic violence issue.” |
| the other way? | | | | In fact, no one knows the accurate numbers of male |
| Mainstream media and cheesy tabloids exploded with | | | | victims of domestic violence, since men seldom bring |
| the news. A physical altercation left singer Rihanna | | | | their issues out in the open. |
| bruised, allegedly by her equally-popular, | | | | Why Stay? |
| then-boyfriend, Chris Brown. | | | | The reasons men stay in abusive relationships mirror |
| The news traveled far and fast. People everywhere | | | | that of female abuse victims: (1) for the children; (2) |
| were furious and even the hip-hop world spoke out | | | | assuming blame for the abuse; (3) dependency on |
| on the alleged assault. Talk shows dedicated entire | | | | the abuser. |
| episodes on the topic of violence against women and | | | | For the Children – Like many female victims of |
| rightly so. | | | | domestic violence, male victims of domestic violence |
| For a certainty, the subject of domestic violence | | | | often stay in the relationship to protect their children |
| (DV) is no longer taboo. As recently as the early | | | | from the abuser. Often the male victim feels that the |
| 1990’s, the topic was only spoken of in | | | | object of the abuser’s rage might be |
| smaller, more intimate circles. There were whispers in | | | | directed toward the children if he did not reside in the |
| the dark and for the most part, people – | | | | home, or that the children might be used against him. |
| including the victims’ family members – | | | | As in Lee’s case, the thought of never |
| turned a blind eye. | | | | seeing his children haunted him. He decided to stay. |
| While the outrage toward domestic violence is most | | | | Yes, Lee yet remains a statistic, one of hundreds of |
| appropriate, we often view the victims as our | | | | thousands of male victims of domestic violence. |
| mother, sister, daughter or other female | | | | Assuming Blame – Again, like their female |
| acquaintance. | | | | counterparts, many male victims of domestic violence |
| But what happens when the male is the victim of | | | | assume ‘they deserve what they |
| domestic violence? While there are hundreds of | | | | get.’ While the truth is far from the mantra, |
| human service programs to aid female victims, most | | | | the psychological burden often takes its toll on the |
| male victims of domestic violence are shown no | | | | victim until there is no more fight left. Male victims of |
| compassion, and are, quite frankly, forgotten. | | | | domestic violence simply give up and resort |
| What’s worse: many people aren’t | | | | themselves to a life of victimization through |
| even aware such brutality exists. And yet, of the | | | | emotional, mental or physical abuse. |
| 400,000 annually-reported incidents of domestic | | | | Dependency on the Abuser for Survival – In |
| violence, about 40 percent include male victims of | | | | many circumstances, male victims of domestic |
| domestic violence, abused either by their male | | | | violence are dependent on their abuser, either |
| partners, their wives or their girlfriends. | | | | mentally, emotionally or financially. This scenario |
| Yes, domestic violence seems to be an equal | | | | leaves the male victim feeling worthless, depressed |
| opportunity plague in our society. | | | | or anxious, as he relies on the very person who |
| The Silent Plague | | | | harms him to provide his everyday needs for survival. |
| “Lee” is one such victim. But to hear | | | | What can WE Do? |
| him tell it the relationship is not a “domestic | | | | “Our society must view violence as just that |
| violence” issue. Lee says, “As a | | | | – violent behavior. It doesn’t matter |
| straight man, you don’t want to believe | | | | who the abuser might be. We [society as a whole] |
| you’re the ‘victim’ of anything | | | | need to report abuse whenever we witness |
| – let alone domestic violence. It’s not | | | | it,” explains the aforementioned DV counselor. |
| a macho image.” | | | | Whereas society is often quick to dial 9-1-1 when we |
| Like female victims, male victims of domestic violence | | | | witness an assault on a woman, we often look in the |
| are often themselves misled. For example, Lee goes | | | | opposite direction when the victim is a man. |
| on to say that the problems he experiences with his | | | | “I have clients that feel they have no way |
| Baby-Mama is “normal relationship” | | | | out because they don’t have the same |
| drama. He says this just after telling me that | | | | support system that a woman might have. Most |
| Baby-Mama threatens to take his children away; has | | | | male victims of domestic violence would never call |
| appeared (uninvited) at his place of employment on | | | | their homeboys to tell them they got a black eye |
| several occasions; and at one point broke out his car | | | | from their partner. The thought of being ridiculed is |
| windshield. Lee has also been physically abused at the | | | | greater than the affects of the abuse,” says |
| hands of his Baby-Mama. | | | | the counselor. “Often society thinks male |
| Lee’s outlook on domestic violence is all too | | | | victims of domestic violence should simply |
| common. While society would view a male stalker as | | | | ‘man-up’!” |
| an obvious threat, a female stalker seems less | | | | This type of ignorance often comes at a much |
| threatening. But the numbers don’t support | | | | heavier price. When we neglect to reveal incidents of |
| that view. | | | | domestic violence, the ones who suffer most are the |
| Statically speaking, over 370,000 men are stalked | | | | children raised in homes where abuse is taking place. |
| annually in the Unites States. Of that number, 30 | | | | Studies show that children who witness abused |
| percent of stalkers are intimate partners. Yet, only 10 | | | | relationships have a likely chance of growing up to be |
| percent of male victims of domestic violence seek a | | | | either a victim or an abuser. |
| Protection from Abuse (PFA) order from the courts. | | | | If we as a society don’t soon step up to the |
| Lee explains why he never sought a PFA. “As | | | | plate, the ongoing trend of violence in our |
| a Black man, I have been the object of racism by | | | | communities will continue. In short, whether an abuse |
| the police. I don’t trust them, so why would I | | | | victim is a man or woman, abuse is still abuse. |
| call them if I’m in need of help? | | | | If you are an abuse victim, or are the witness to an |
| And…she is the mother of my | | | | incident of abuse, contact the National Domestic |
| children.” | | | | Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY |
| Racist authority aside, there are also other underlying | | | | 1-800-787-3224 immediately. |
| factors that contribute to the ignorance of the | | | | |