| It was Saturday morning and I was spending the | | | | I told Hannah about Nana Mouskouri, that she is very |
| weekend at my daughter's. I was sitting on the floor | | | | famous, people think she is beautiful and she wears |
| in front of a mirrored closet door in my five-year-old | | | | glasses too, just like Hannah. That very morning we |
| granddaughter's room. She had asked me to put my | | | | went to the music section of Border's Bookstore, |
| make-up on in her room while she got dressed. I was | | | | looked at the CD covers of Nana Mouskouri with her |
| happy to agree. | | | | glasses on. We even bought one of her CDs. My |
| I had already put my contacts in, and my | | | | granddaughter was enchanted and played the CD like |
| granddaughter was watching me put on my mascara. | | | | crazy. Luckily that did the trick for feeling better |
| She wears glasses and, two weeks earlier, had firmly | | | | about wearing glasses (Later on I showed her a |
| vowed that she was never, ever going to wear | | | | section of the Today show when Katie Couric was |
| contacts. The idea of putting something in her eyes | | | | wearing her glasses on national television.) |
| grossed her out! | | | | The next step was to help her learn how to |
| Naturally, I was surprised when she said, "I'm going to | | | | effectively respond to Jessica the next time she |
| get contacts." Curious about this sudden change of | | | | taunted her. |
| heart, I asked her why she wanted contacts. | | | | That night, after her bedtime story, when the lights |
| "Because I look dumb in glasses," she said sadly. (If | | | | were out, we gently talked about Jessica's teasing. |
| you want to break a grandma's heart, that is about | | | | We went over that it wasn't very nice to say mean |
| all you need to say.) | | | | things and what she might say to her. We had fun |
| I wanted to scoop her up in my arms, give her a | | | | going over not so nice things to say and respectful |
| giant hug, and wash away the obvious hurt. But, I | | | | ways to react. |
| had been an elementary school bullying prevention | | | | She decided the next time Jessica whispered in her |
| consultant for several years, and knew I'd better find | | | | ear, "You look dumb in glasses", she would turn to |
| out what was behind this, if I was going to be of | | | | her and say, in a respectful voice, "You may think so, |
| any help. | | | | but I don't." We role-played it several times so |
| I kept my cool and asked, "Why do you think you | | | | Hannah could get used to saying it. |
| look dumb in glasses?" | | | | The following Monday afternoon, I was thrilled with |
| "Because Jessica said so," she blurted out. | | | | the message I got on my cell phone voice mail. |
| It turns out Jessica sat next to her in kindergarten | | | | Hannah was almost bubbling over as she said, |
| and had started whispering in Hannah's ear, "You look | | | | "Grandma, it really worked!" I still have that message. |
| dumb in glasses." Nothing like this had ever happened | | | | Or course, I had gone over all of this with my |
| to Hannah before and she had no idea what to do, | | | | daughter who approved whole heartedly. But what |
| thought it was true, and had not told anyone until | | | | really knocked me out was when my daughter told |
| now. | | | | me what Hannah's teacher, Mrs. Black said. |
| Before I learned how to handle bullying, I would have | | | | It turns out, Mrs. Black had been concerned because |
| stormed into the classroom, insisted the teacher do | | | | Hannah seemed depressed recently in school. Hannah |
| something about this and let Jessica's mom know | | | | had never been that way before and Mrs. Black |
| exactly what her daughter was doing. | | | | figured it was because Hannah had been moved to a |
| That might have made me feel better, but it would | | | | higher reading group and missed her friends. |
| not have helped my granddaughter. It could make | | | | Mrs. Black had decided to move Hannah back to the |
| her dependent and send the message she wasn't | | | | lower reading group that Monday. However, when |
| okay, but needed someone to rescue her. | | | | Hannah came to school her old cheerful self, she |
| I had learned that most bullying is done because of | | | | decided there was no more problem. And there |
| the reaction it gets. Jessica was getting exactly what | | | | wasn't! (By the way, I also gave Mrs. Black some |
| she wanted. Hannah was sad and felt hurt when | | | | ideas on classrooms lessons to reduce teasing.) |
| Jessica teased her. | | | | The most important lesson Hannah learned was that |
| I knew that my telling Hannah she didn't look dumb in | | | | she has the power to solve problems. That increased |
| glasses would not help much. She needed outside | | | | her self-esteem more than any comfort or praise her |
| proof too. | | | | mother or I could have ever given her. |
| There were two parts to the problem. The first step | | | | As parents, you want to protect your children from |
| was to have Hannah really feel inside that she looked | | | | hurt. But, you can't always be there to help. The best |
| fine with her glasses. The next step was to help her | | | | way to watch over your children is to teach them |
| figure out how to respond to Jessica's taunts. | | | | skills for handling problems effectively. |
| It turns out, one of the best selling singers in the | | | | By doing that you can give them the most important |
| world(sold over 250 million disks), and a favorite of | | | | skill they will ever have - the gift of a Can-Do |
| mine, Nana Mouskouri, wears thick, black framed | | | | Attitude which will protect them even when you |
| glasses. She has them on in every picture I have | | | | aren't there! |
| ever seen of her. | | | | |