Your Child's Emotional Bank Account

Recently I attended a parenting seminar where thepower the child yields over his parents in driving them
lecturer questioned a room full of parents, "What isto extreme frustration can fill an otherwise empty
the single most difficult aspect of raising children?"emotional bank account. It's the classic case of the
The most memorable response drew a lots ofchild who would rather get negative attention from
laughter; "It's the first twenty-five years."their parents than no attention. Being yelled at is
Indeed, there are numerous challenges we parentsbetter than being ignored, as it fills his emotional
face from the toddler times through their teenageaccount with a "bad currency" rather than leaving it
years, and beyond!"in the red".
A parenting tip to gain cooperation and good conductHere are some suggestions of "deposits" to bump up
is to make frequent deposits into our children'sthe balance in your child's emotional bank account:
emotional bank account.1) Give him a gift for no reason.
What's an emotional bank account? Think of it this2) Place a note that says, "I love you" in her lunch
way: When your checking account is overdrawn, it isbag.
hard for you to give away money. Similarly, people3) Let him choose (from options you provide) the
have emotional bank accounts that must benext family vacation.
sufficiently full for them to give away- not money,4) Spend time alone with her at a location of her
but time, personal responsibility, and good behavior.choice.
Adding regular "deposits" in your chid's emotional bank5) Truly listen when she speaks to you.
account is smart investing in their future, so they will6) Believe in him, and his ideas.
feel secure in "withdrawing" or giving back to you in7) Do a surprise favor for her.
the form of respect and proper obedience of your8) Give him specific and truthful complements.
rules.Making regular deposits in your children's emotional
A child who feels that he is running a "negativebank accounts will yield dividends beyond any those
balance" will gain pleasure from making Mom or Dadof the highest-performing stock on the market!
get angry. In a backwards psychological way, the