| February 13, 2007 | | | | when people are able to "touch" one another after |
| When my two boys were little they would "get into | | | | an argument or a disagreement, it is a sign that they |
| it" with each other. They would fight or argue or hurt | | | | no longer have hostile feelings toward one another.) |
| each other or hit each other. As a young mom, I | | | | I fondly called this process, "Waiting until the bleeding |
| would invariably make them "kiss and make up." | | | | has stopped." |
| That's what my mom did with my sister and me so | | | | You see, people can and usually do say they forgive |
| that is what I tried to do with my kids as well. | | | | one another, but they don't. Most often the injured |
| I can remember saying I was sorry to my sister, but | | | | party is still angry and hurt. In essence, they are still |
| I did not want her to touch me nor did I want her to | | | | bleeding from the conflict. Christians are notorious for |
| come into my room. I did not want her to play with | | | | saying they forgive one another because they think |
| me and my friends. It was as though I had said, "Oh, | | | | that it is what Jesus wants them to do. And for |
| I forgive you, but don't you come near me!" Well, at | | | | some reason, they feel pressured to forgive quickly |
| some point in my life I realized that a sign of | | | | as though it were a sign of their Christian maturity. |
| forgiveness is that I do want to touch the person | | | | However, if you say that you forgive someone |
| after we have reconciled. I do want to spend time | | | | when you were sincerely not ready to forgive them, |
| with them. I don't just "cut and run" when I have | | | | you are lying (and who is the father of all lies...)? |
| sincerely made up. In fact, I feel ... believe it or not ... | | | | If you have been severely wounded by a hateful |
| closer to the person once we have forgiven one | | | | person and you are still "bleeding profusely" from the |
| another. Do you know what I am talking about? | | | | emotional injury, don't worry about "loving them and |
| So, when it came time to teach my two sons about | | | | or forgiving them" right this second. Sometimes you |
| reconciliation, I realized that it might be better to let | | | | are going to have to stop the bleeding of the injury |
| them cool off before making them reconcile. I | | | | first. The worse thing to do is act like you have |
| learned that this worked a lot better. Once I had this | | | | forgiven someone, when you are no where near |
| epiphony, whenever they got into it, I would referee | | | | being able to sincerely forgive them. Wait until the |
| them and make them go to neutral corners, i.e. their | | | | injury has healed a bit before getting back in there. |
| separate rooms. They had to stay separated for 30 | | | | Don't get me wrong, God does indeed want us to |
| minutes or maybe up to an hour. It was enough time | | | | forgive others in the same way that He has forgiven |
| for their feelings (and hurts) to settle a bit. Then, | | | | us. And remember He has forgiven much, don't you |
| when I asked each one to own his part in what | | | | think? All I am saying is ... please let your forgiveness |
| happened, they both were able to confess their | | | | be sincere. For that to happen, there will be times |
| unique role in the conflict. It worked better. In fact, I | | | | when you need to "stop the bleeding" before you |
| could tell this was true because they were able to | | | | are able to forgive. |
| "touch" during the reconciliation period. They would | | | | Hope this is helpful... |
| shake hands or something of that nature. (Usually | | | | |