| I began this series with a brief description of the | | | | keep those feelings bottled up within you. Let's look |
| primary eight invisible stains of the soul. I will continue | | | | at the modern diseases that have surfaced because |
| Part II and here I will focus with the first stain. You | | | | the need for love and acceptance was never fulfilled. |
| Are an Illegitimate Child.Society will have you believe | | | | Anorexia, Bulimia, Cutting, Agoraphobia, just to name |
| that being an illegitimate child is not important | | | | a very few. These are all emotional conditions. People |
| anymore. Society will have you believe that every | | | | suffering from these conditions, and many more that |
| child is considered important and has the same | | | | I have not mentioned, are simply starved for love. |
| opportunities in life. While yes, in an Utopian Society | | | | These are just a few of the ways that love |
| this would certainly work and ideally this should, | | | | starvation is manifested.We, who are all really |
| indeed, be the way we think and treat our children, I | | | | children, whether 1 or 100, have the ability to break |
| will argue that this is not so.From my simple | | | | this cycle. We need not live suffering in this way |
| observations of life, I will state that the world is in a | | | | anymore. We need not bring another child into the |
| state of hurt and there is no such thing as a normal | | | | world that will just take up where we have left off. |
| family. I will acknowledge that we are all dysfunctional | | | | Love and acceptance begins with each one of us |
| in one way or another. If we perceive ourselves as | | | | individually. We must love and accept ourselves. |
| perfect and perceive that we have the perfect | | | | Looking for love outside of ourselves never works. |
| family, again I state that we live under a huge | | | | The answer to our happiness, fulfillment, and |
| misconception, as we all have our own individual | | | | emotional wellbeing lies as close as just looking in the |
| shortcomings.In my vision of a perfect life, a young | | | | mirror. It lies within us. As you read this you may |
| couple falls in love, gets married, has children, and | | | | think it is impossible, but it is not. Yes, it takes work, |
| lives happily ever after. Back in the 1940's and 1950's | | | | it takes developing new habits, new ways of thinking, |
| families stayed together; however, sometimes | | | | it is a new learning experience, but once you start to |
| through unbearable unhappiness, suffering and abuse. | | | | catch on, you will see that life is new and exciting. |
| The children suffered in their own way, as child abuse | | | | The relationships that you attract will not be because |
| was not addressed and children were not protected. | | | | of your need to be loved, they will merely enhance |
| That is the bad side. The good side is that these | | | | who you are, as you will enhance who they |
| were your children, both his and hers and each child | | | | are.When you love and value yourself, you will |
| was loved equally by mother and father.In today's | | | | automatically love and value your children, and also |
| world, and since the 1960's, we have sought to | | | | your mate's children, as you will realize that we are all |
| improve the quality of our lives. We reasoned that a | | | | unique beings put on this planet to grow and learn. As |
| child was happy if the parents were happy and, | | | | adults, we should be guiding these precious little souls |
| therefore, parents were encouraged to leave an | | | | to be the best that they can be. We truly need to |
| unhappy marriage. While all this is well and good, | | | | love them unconditionally.It is most unusual when a |
| studies have found that divorce affects children | | | | person is able to do this on their own. Seek help, |
| adversely and children tend to blame themselves for | | | | guidance, depending on your situation or if depression |
| the breakup of their parents. Children are then shared | | | | is involved, seek a doctor. It is very possible for you |
| in the new joint custody rite, spending a certain | | | | to leave a destructive life, replacing worthlessness |
| amount with mom and then spending a fair amount | | | | with self esteem. The feeling of being worthless is |
| with dad.Life changed, traditions were disregarded, | | | | really a lie that is ingrained in us by the layers of life |
| and before you knew it, life had drastically changed. | | | | that we acquire in this very complicated journey. Self |
| No more do we ostracize a young girl who finds | | | | esteem is truth. Immediately acknowledge that every |
| herself pregnant, and rightfully so. But do we truly | | | | negative thought you think with regard to yourself is |
| give her all the emotional tools and support needed | | | | a lie and replace it with the truth, a positive |
| for her to bring up that baby?Single women who find | | | | statement.Lastly, I will leave you with this, which is |
| their biological clock ticking toward its end, now have | | | | most important. Don't ever blame your parents or |
| the choice without any societal repurcussions to have | | | | anyone in your past or present for where you are |
| a child and bring it up as a single parent. This type of | | | | today. They did the best they could with what they |
| child is what once was called an illegitimate child and | | | | had to work with. They dealt with their own hurts, |
| looked down upon, many times to be ostracized. I | | | | their own fears, and feelings of inadequacy. Whether |
| will point out that in many countries this is still | | | | they are alive or passed on, love them, as this is |
| considered taboo; in fact, A good portion of the | | | | crucial to your own healing. Blame and hate will just |
| world does not find this acceptable.Now, we humans | | | | destroy you. Understanding and love will heal. You |
| share one very common trait, the need for love and | | | | can't fix your past in any way, whether you made |
| acceptance. Most likely, because of this very basic | | | | your own decisions, or were the victim of someone |
| need, at one point or another, the single parent will | | | | else's decisions. You do have control over your future |
| find themslves married or they will at least be | | | | from this moment on. This is the first moment of the |
| involved in a relationship.It is extremely unusual to find | | | | rest of your life. Learn from your past and apply it |
| a person that will totally accept another's child as | | | | towards good, not only to enhance your own life but |
| their own, love it as their own, and be fair with that | | | | to enhance the lives of others. In fact, because of |
| child, as they would normally be if it were their | | | | your past experiences, you may be able to lead a |
| biological child. In nine out of ten cases, the illegitimate | | | | most fulfilling life by applying the lessons you have |
| child and also the stepchild, as in this case there is | | | | learned. You have been shown first hand what not |
| very little or no difference, will not be treated fairly. I | | | | to do.Whether you have a child in marriage or out of |
| refer to this as The Cinderella Syndrome.These | | | | marriage, know that your child is the most important |
| children receive a huge invisible stain on their soul, as | | | | thing to you. You have been given a gift to mold and |
| they are not fully accepted. Acceptance is crucial to | | | | guide through life which should be cherished by you |
| emotional wellbeing. A child does not have the | | | | and most certainly your mate. It is a very difficult |
| defense mechanisms that we adults develop. They | | | | situation when someone that is not a biological parent |
| are totally dependent on us for care, love, support, | | | | comes into the family and is given the honorary role |
| and guidance. Just as we adults, children are not | | | | of parent. Many conflicts need to be resolved, as is |
| perfect. However, instead of being understanding and | | | | only natural. This situation is a very big adjustment |
| offering guidance, because of our hurried pace in life, | | | | for all concerned, but before becoming a family, |
| we tend to react with anger and impatience. The | | | | discuss the situation and the family to be may want |
| child becomes the intruder, the one responsible for | | | | to sit down and establish ground rules. Write them |
| separating the couple and is blamed for all the friction | | | | down, have everyone sign at the bottom, and until |
| and unhappiness in the family. I maintain that this | | | | the rules become a matter of habit, keep them |
| child, just as any other child, needs love, nurturing and | | | | where they can be seen. When a rule is broken, call it |
| guidance and that we, as adults, are the ones that | | | | to the attention of the offending party.Love and |
| have failed or are failing, in the proper care of that | | | | respect between a child and a new parent will not be |
| child.I look around and I see our children in America in | | | | automatic. In most instances, it will have to grow, it |
| a most terrible state. They are belligerent, out of | | | | will have to be earned. A new parent would be |
| control, insist on living their own lives, and even run | | | | remiss to think that the child will automatically love |
| away when necessary. They are merely expressing | | | | and respect them. These things must be earned. |
| their need for love and acceptance. If you cannot | | | | When starting a new family, you hold the key as to |
| get it at home or you perceive that you are not | | | | whether it will be a peaceful and loving situation or |
| loved at home, you will go elsewhere to find it. | | | | sheer chaos. Take it slow and see that child as an |
| Therefore, there will be more babies born to young | | | | individual with their own hopes, dreams, and |
| girls, only perpetuating the illegitimate child cycle, The | | | | fears.Always remember, you are the adult and they |
| Cinderella Syndrome.The effects of The Cinderella | | | | are the child. |
| Syndrome needs to be acted out. It is impossible to | | | | |